11/6/08

coping strategy

I was talking to my friend Sarah a couple of nights ago, and I mentioned to her that I need to figure out a good coping strategy with this whole infertility issue or I'll lose my mind. I'm going to try something new. I'm just going to assume everything is going to work out, instead of stressing about how it's not working right now. Somehow we will have health insurance for me and baby whether or not I get pregnant when I am still on BYU's health insurance. It will just work out, whether I get pregnant or not. I can't plan it - it's out of my control. I'll do as much as I can on my end and let the rest happen with faith that it will be alright. In the meantime I'm going to distract myself as best as possible. Distract myself with my thesis. Work on becoming a better Sunday School teacher. I am determined to be happy no matter what happens - even if I can never have a baby.

I can't go to some of my favorite shops with adorable children's kitsch (The Children's Corner, The Flower Basket). Can't look at all my children's books. Can't look at my storybook prints. Can't go there. Maybe in a few months it will be easier, but it's not right now, and my goal is to make this as easy and stress-free as I can.

A couple of weeks ago I threw my baby name book into the nether-regions of our storage space as hard as I could. Maybe it would be better if I just packed all of it away - probably incur less damage :).

I will try to concentrate on all the irreverent and rude kids at the Museum and at Church and remember how hard it is to be a parent. I need to remember to enjoy my uninterrupted sleep and snot-free clothes. Remember how I still want to see the Alhambra. Remember how once I sailed around the whole world.

I need to rely on Trevor in ways I haven't before.

I need to have some fun too.

6 comments:

  1. Margy11/6/08, 4:04 PM

    And it's extremely freeing to not have to worry about birth control :).

    ReplyDelete
  2. ann cannon11/6/08, 5:21 PM

    Come to Salt Lake. I'll treat you to lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ann11/7/08, 10:13 AM

    Or maybe we'll go get tattoos.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Becca11/7/08, 12:48 PM

    Can I come with you to the Alhambra? I'll be your tour guide and translator.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jules11/7/08, 4:53 PM

    You and Sarah are very clever girls. I think your new strategy is a very smart move on your part. It's hard to realize some things you can't control and you just have to let it go, but sometimes I think that's when the good stuff really starts to happen.

    Did that make sense? I will just assume that it did.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amy11/11/08, 2:06 PM

    I am so sorry. I've been so out of the loop I had no idea you and Trevor have been struggling with this. And here I am practically shoving my kids in everyone's faces. I know Heavenly Father loves you and really really really is aware of what your wants are and will bless you. You're incredible. Most people I've run into who are struggling with this make it pretty much obvious that they hate all young families. I'm so impressed that, though it must be such an automatic response to be upset at young families, you have the goal not to. You really are so incredible. And like you said- go have some fun. It will all work out:)

    ReplyDelete

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