Amelia and Josephine are doing alright. It just seems to be one thing after another with Jo, however. Breathing problems, throwing up half her feedings, hard time regulating her temperature. These sound like small things, but wow, they are huge to me. Amelia is doing really well - she nursed 4 milliliters of milk straight from me. Way to go Millie!

We are so blessed. The lactation specialist for the NICU has taken me under her wing, and somehow managed to get the babies moved into a private room. There's only about a 1 in 20 chance of getting a quiet room, and we got it! It makes a world of difference. It's quieter. It's peaceful. It's secluded. No more pulling the curtains around an open bay with five other preemie babies crying, or loud nurses waking up my babies. We are LUCKY. So grateful.

Postpartum blues/depression is like the final kick in the butt of pregnancy. It's like Pregnancy is stating its final, dying threat: You thought you were done with me - hah! Take this! I know I'm suffering from it. It's heightening my already taut nerves and overwrought anxieties about leaving my babies in the care of strangers. I hate leaving the hospital, but I just can't be there all the time. I need things like sleep and food.

Anyway. This is tough, guys. The single most difficult situation I've ever faced. Thanks goodness for Trevor.

Oh, and, we've been married for three years as of today. Happy Anniversary to us. Hopefully next anniversary will be spent, well, a little differently.


  1. Oh Shelley... I know how you feel. I didn't have babies in the NICU (which I'm sure is a roller coaster in and of itself...) but post pregnancy was the hardest time of my life thus far. You're already physically and emotionally drained... and then the blues set in to top it all off. It seems like a never ending cycle of funk-ness. But, it will get better. I promise. There will come a time when you can get up, take a shower and sit down to read a good book while your sweet babies are napping and you'll look back on this time with gratitude for the strength and patience it gave you. Until then... try to enjoy the small things and don't let worries consume you. I'll be praying for you!

  2. I can totally relate to the breastfeeding issues. I never imagined that nursing would be so hard - after all, isn't it supposed to be natural and inherent for moms and babies? Apparently not.

    I'm thinking of you. You'll survive this. I promise.

  3. Dear Shelley!
    Oliver was only in NICU for three days, and it was the hardest three days of my life. I feel for you, dear. The girls will be fine. YOU will be fine. But this is all very hard, and those blasted hormones do not help. Please let everyone who can help you get enough rest. The postpartum depression IS a kick in the pants. But it will get better, too....
    We love you, and think of you (and Trev and the girls) often....Love, Aunt Carol

  4. I had no idea my account username was "Mommio". LOL - That is what Oliver started calling me when he was four. I have now changed it.

  5. Oh, I believe you.
    It sounds so hard.
    And with whacked out postpartum hormonalness to top it off, you have your work cut out for you.
    I really want to send you a care package. I need your address.

  6. Shelley, I love you and I'm here for you. I think about you and the babies a lot. I'm sorry that you're in such a hard spot right now.

    My advice about depression: (which you are free to ignore or not read if that feels overwhelming to you)
    It's ok to feel depressed. It's ok to feel sad and worried. In my experience fighting the depression only makes it worse. It helps me to just sit with it for a minute. I say to myself, "I feel depressed now. I just feel sad and down. And it's ok to feel sad." That's what helps me.