9/22/09

baby thoughts

  • Josephine is an extremely sensitive baby. All I have to do is accidentally catch her toe on her sock, brush my thumbnail on her back, or bump her head against my chest when I'm holding her, and it's like her world has come crashing down. She is horrified! Offended! Aghast at such careless behavior from her mother! My own mother loves to point out that as a toddler I would fling myself dramatically upon couches and beds to weep, so this is not unexpected behavior from my daughter. It's only irritating when she incites Amelia to cry as well, then I have two weeping wee lasses to shush.
  • It seems I am unable to watch/listen/read anything dark, depressing or too adult these days. Can't handle reading books with little girls whose lungs are burned out because of an allergic reaction to her inhaler (The Gargoyle), stupid racists senators, kidnappings, slums, etc. I think its because I spend 80% of my day alone in the basement with twin babies. I'm stuck in my own head, so to speak. I just have to stay cheerful. Depressing subjects just depress me. Before it felt compulsory to read or know about such "serious" things because, I don't know, it's part of our world. There's virtue in seriousness. But not now for me. I heard a poem on The Writer's Almanac by Michael Blumenthal titled "And the Cantilevered Inference Shall Hold the Day" that made me feel alright about retreating from the "real world." Here's the excerpt:
 
"No one who encrusticates (I made that up!) his silliness in a bowl,

waiting for sanctity, can ever know how lovely playfulness can be,
and, that said, let me wish you a Merry One (or Chanukah if you
prefer), and may whatever holds you up stay forever beneath you,

and may the robin find many a worm, and our cruelties abate,
and may you be well and happy and full of mischief as I am,
and may all your nothings, too, hold something up and sing."

Playfulness, silliness and mischief aren't necessarily always inferior to responsibility and seriousness. So I'm going to be okay with avoiding the world for now.

  • The hospital bills for 5 1/2 weeks in the NICU added up to $173,000.
  • Amelia loves being held. Josephine likes sitting in the "cool chair."
  • I have about 2 or 3 half-an-hour breaks in the day when both babes are sleeping, binkies retained, and quiet. If I clean house during each of those breaks, I am grouchy by the end of the day. If I do something creative (ie, sew, cook, read, or sleep) I am happy and don't lose my patience with Jo & Millie. So I'm going to have to be happy with a certain level of chaos in the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and living room.

1 comment:

  1. Well I'm one whose had to shut the world out significantly since becoming a mother. Too much that is heavy out there takes too much emotional energy from my that I need to be reserving for my boys. I'm hoping that the day will come when I can be more participatory, but for now my kids come first.

    And the balance between staying sane and keeping one's house sanitary is an ongoing battle for many many of us, I think.

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