6/18/11

death

It is dawning on me that my grandma will never be the same. Naively I thought that somehow things would return to normal, with one conspicuous absence. I'm not even sure she really hears me right now...dealing with too much internally, having too much to think about with out-of-town family. She just seems somehow....grayer. The color has gone out of her cheeks and the twinkle from her eye. It hurts. And there's just nothing we can do for her, literally nothing we can really do to assuage the pain away. Its things like taking away grandpa's shoes, his hats, sending death certificates to the cable company, moving furniture, sleeping alone.....its just all too much.

This has been my first experience with death, and I certainly feel like it has added depth to my character...but I still wish it hadn't. Its been awful.

2 comments:

  1. OH I love Grandma, I wish there was something we could do too. I can only imagine how difficult and hard that would be, losing the other half of your life. Looking back, I can see how they really loved each other. I want that someday, it really has inspired me, showed me what is possible and what I want someday. I loved Grandpa's stories of the war, funny little incidences involving a train ticket and laundry. It really has made me think about life; my world revolves around the upcoming test, but this past week gave me a glimps of something so much bigger. It was like hearing the whole symphony play together and not just paying attention to your favorite part. I love you Shelley!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Isn't it kind of odd that we live in a time and place where death is such a stranger? I think it's almost done us a disservice, because we forget to think about death until we have to, then we are less prepared, and perhaps we don't live as well in the interim.

    ReplyDelete