It is dawning on me that my grandma will never be the same. Naively I thought that somehow things would return to normal, with one conspicuous absence. I'm not even sure she really hears me right now...dealing with too much internally, having too much to think about with out-of-town family. She just seems somehow....grayer. The color has gone out of her cheeks and the twinkle from her eye. It hurts. And there's just nothing we can do for her, literally nothing we can really do to assuage the pain away. Its things like taking away grandpa's shoes, his hats, sending death certificates to the cable company, moving furniture, sleeping alone.....its just all too much.
This has been my first experience with death, and I certainly feel like it has added depth to my character...but I still wish it hadn't. Its been awful.