12/10/11

turning down invitations

We moved into a friendly and big-hearted neighborhood. It has been nothing but open arms and invitations in our ward. I've been invited to playdates, book clubs, parties....so why can't I muster up the momentum to throw myself into social life? I've been pondering why I am not more anxious to forge new friendships, especially considering my life right now. I little more adult conversation my way could do nothing but good.
I just can't seem to work up the energy to make new relationships. I can hardly keep up with my oldest friendships these days. Being social for me, in practically any setting, takes more energy away than it gives me. I've always felt guilty about this.
However, it is the exact opposite when I'm with a certain handful of friends, my 'kindred spirits.' I don't come across very many of these, so when I do, I hold tight. When I see them, I leave remembering the coolest parts of myself. But when it comes to trying to make new friends....I can't do it these days.
Trevor doesn't get it. I was invited to a book club today, and I just couldn't get excited about it. I know he would support me with whatever it is I want to do, but lately I just want to keep my energy reserve for social events that I know will amount to positive energy...namely, with kindred spirits. 
I think I just need to be okay with this. I might be social again someday (not that I ever was in a large sense), but I think I need to do whatever it is that helps me most right now, even if that means turning down invitations.

4 comments:

  1. You know - I've kind of become the same way. After having a little family I find myself quite content keeping my energy with them, unless it's with a good ol' friend I'm not worried about impressing anymore. I have that twinge of guilt in the back of my mind too. Funny how times make you change... :)

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  2. I wish I could trade you problems. My ward is the most hands-off anti-social ward I've ever been in! And having (sort of) just moved here, I don't quite have the support system of kindred spirits in place yet. It's weird and awkward and lonely and fortunately temporary.

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  3. I joined a mom's group so that the kids could have some socialization. Ellis is the only one is nursery and Rowan is the only sunbeam. They don't go to preschool, so they needed something to be around other kids. However, I have found that the mom's want to make friends too. And I feel bad, I'm not looking for friends. #1 I trust people to quickly and then get hurt. #2 I don't have the time, like you said to even spend time with the friends I have! So I smile and I'm friendly for the sake of my kids and leave it at that.

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  4. Hmmm . . . . it probably won't surprise you to hear that I am not the same with social things. I do fine with alone time, but given the choice 9 times out of 10 I'll choose to be social.

    Had we not married into the same family our paths may never have crossed; if they had, we may not have chosen to be life-long friends. I'm not exactly a kindred spirit type. But our paths did cross, and I hope to be friends as long as we're both alive. My experience has taught me to value those kinds of friendships. I am a richer, better person because of my association with you.

    Thank you for this post. I feel like I understand you better. In the future, I will try to be mindful that social gatherings are more draining to you than they are to me. Let me know if I ever come on too strong, push for too much, or stay too long. I take that kind of feedback really well. (Really, I do.)

    Oh, and Happy Birthday!

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