We moved into a friendly and big-hearted neighborhood. It has been nothing but open arms and invitations in our ward. I've been invited to playdates, book clubs, parties....so why can't I muster up the momentum to throw myself into social life? I've been pondering why I am not more anxious to forge new friendships, especially considering my life right now. I little more adult conversation my way could do nothing but good.
I just can't seem to work up the energy to make new relationships. I can hardly keep up with my oldest friendships these days. Being social for me, in practically any setting, takes more energy away than it gives me. I've always felt guilty about this.
However, it is the exact opposite when I'm with a certain handful of friends, my 'kindred spirits.' I don't come across very many of these, so when I do, I hold tight. When I see them, I leave remembering the coolest parts of myself. But when it comes to trying to make new friends....I can't do it these days.
Trevor doesn't get it. I was invited to a book club today, and I just couldn't get excited about it. I know he would support me with whatever it is I want to do, but lately I just want to keep my energy reserve for social events that I know will amount to positive energy...namely, with kindred spirits.
I think I just need to be okay with this. I might be social again someday (not that I ever was in a large sense), but I think I need to do whatever it is that helps me most right now, even if that means turning down invitations.