Knowing this is my last baby makes this experience poignant, and the sense of finality makes me a little crazy about things. It makes me want to buy all the things I've wanted since I had the twins, but have never had the resources for. Not that we are flush now, but compared to having twins when we were students, we are in a much better place. I didn't buy a single item of clothing for the twins until they were two, and since then I only buy shirts if they are less than $4 and pants if they're less than $5. But this will be the last time I can buy that daffodil yellow smocked newborn dress! I've always wanted a real diaper bag. I've wanted a great stroller. I don't want to open the carefully preserved clothes in boxes that have survived the twins AND Hazel; I want to buy this baby new clothes because she's the last one. I am thinking of all the crazy names I always thought would be cool, because I'll never name another baby. I want to buy the posh baby wash. New towels. The stuff I've seen other mothers have but never have myself.

I haven't acted on any of these impulses, since my frugality always wins out. That happens when one is accountable to a tight budget. I am just surprised by myself.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't know Quinton was the last when I pregnant although because of my age and obstetric history I thought it might be.

    I will say I savored every single moment of his babyhood. And childhood. And teenage hood. I more fully understood my own mother-in-law's attachment to Ken--her youngest.