6/21/13

confinement

Got more bad news from the doctor's today, and I must admit battling discouragement is a losing enterprise today. I am approaching delivery with increasing fear (nigh on terror). Many I love will try to comfort me saying things like, "It will all be okay - I'm sure of it." Um, it may not be. Things may go very, very badly. Its probably because I don't disclose everything that is going on to anyone except my husband and my mom. I will never feel comfortable when my innards are the topic of discussion.
I am feeling increasingly confined in body; not only does it look and feel like I swallowed a bowling ball, but my physical activity levels keep getting constricted through doctor's orders. My diet is constricting. 'Confinement' isn't the favorite word of someone with a severe, life-long case of wanderlust.
This has been the most trying summer I've yet had. However, because of the mountains of stress and physical limitations I'm living with, certain luxuries have moved in that I would never allow myself before, and there are wonderful blessings coming as the result of prayer. Its worth writing them down.
  • We've shifted things around in the budget to allow for more ordering out for lunch and dinner. This is hugely helpful.
  • Trevor's work lets him come in at 7 and leave at 4. This may have made the biggest difference of all, since he misses extra time in traffic and comes home in time to help with dinner. 
  • Summer preschool. Excellent for all parties involved.
  • My art historical interests have latched onto Mary Stuart's needlework. I've been buying books and learning about the Queen of Scots, and studying how such a brilliant woman in confinement used needlework as an expressive outlet. 
  • I'm in charge of the Netflix queue - which means we are getting French chick flicks. 
  • Two of my favorite things in life are slipping into clean bedsheets and shaved legs, preferably at the same time. I've always wondered what it would be like to slip into satin sheets. So I bought some. They are as luxurious as I imagined. 
  • Getting a pedicure with my mom and sister. I've done that twice - once during each pregnancy. 
  • I thank Heavenly Father everyday for such a fantastic backyard. It is perfect for my girls, and such a relief to me to have a safe and fun place for my girls to spend hours, right outside my door.
  • Tomorrow we are celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary. Instead of buying gifts, we've decided to make a pilgrimage to The King's English and buy books. I can't tell you the last time I even went so far north at Orem. Accompanied by Mazza's Hummus, and it sounds like a lovely evening. 
  • For scripture study, I've been delving into Elder Jeffrey Holland's speeches at BYU. No one can give me courage like Elder Holland. Listening to a steady stream of his talks has fortified me.
  • My best friend has started coming over once a week. Spending time with Holly is reviving in every way. 
So despite the surmounting challenges of the weeks ahead, I know there are wonderful, simple and heaven-sent things that are buoying me at this point, and they are worth celebrating.

3 comments:

  1. Shelley, you are a warrior!
    I'm sorry our schedules didn't work out this weekend, but I understand that your energy is limited. Please know I think about you often, and will keep you in my prayers. :)

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  2. That sounds rough, to say the least, but I admire your optimism! I hope everything works out okay for you and your little miss.

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  3. Hang in there, Honey.

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