Most of the ideas that occur to me at 2 am are typically screwball but seem brilliantly fabulous at the time, and in the bright of the morning they are just laughable. Last night's 2-am-idea came from a place of gratitude. Eloise was discharged at 8:00 pm, and let's be honest, that guaranteed me a horrible "night's sleep." It was midnight before I had her mountains (mountains!) of medical supplies organized, all her pumps, syringes, diapers, G-Tube supplies, J-Tube supplies, wound hygiene kits, emergency kit, bedtime needs. The poor girl had the hardest day. Dilation of her esophagus, manipulation of her G-tube, and her PIC went bad, then a car seat test, and throwing up blood. So...coming home to a new place was hardly a comforting experience for her. She was exhausted, feeling awful, and just wanted to sleep. But she kept throwing up, all over me. Diarrhea, and nausea. Poor baby. It meant I didn't get much (or any) sleep. She would wake up, throw up, and then startle to realize she was somewhere new. But then she would see me, hear my voice, and snuggle back to sleep.
I was so grateful that I have a relationship with her to be able to do that, and so many people made that possible. Trevor. My mother. My mom most of all. My sister Daina. Bethany. Carol. Amy Strong. It is because others took such careful, loving care of my three at home I was able to spend time at the hospital with Eloise, so when she left the world she knew, she could see me and be comforted.
Even though Eloise was in a pretty sad state, she still gave her sisters her brightest, warmest smile. That moment of sisterly-reunion will stay with me forever.
At the ungodly hour of 5 am, we left for Primary's after only 9 hours at home, to place a port catheter. Ugh. Just a taste of home, then back to the hospital. But tonight she will come home, we will have our Frozen party, and we will try to acclimate again. More sleep has to be in the future, right...?