My thoughts had been spiraling for several days until I hit bottom, realizing my life has turned out to be nothing like I imagined it would. It wasn't a happy thought. I prayed, ruminated, and have reached a hopeful place. I thought about all the decisions I've made that lead me where I am today. I can say with dead certainty that every one, from choosing to go to BYU over my first choice, marrying Trevor, and having children, were decisions I absolutely made with God's guidance. I knew it at the time, and I know it now.
This is exactly what it means to align my will with Heavenly Father's. To be a faithful follower of Christ. And those who do notoriously live productive but difficult lives. Think Emma Smith, or Moses, or Nephi. Not that I'm putting myself in that category. But I know I have this life because I followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost and did God's will.
So, no, I may not be living a bohemian lifestyle in Montmartre, but I go to sleep with the assurance that I'm following Heavenly Father's plan for me, and there is a certain peace that comes with that. I also need not stop dreaming. I need to keep reading my travel books, planning sewing projects, and scheming of ways to get across the pond. Because someday those things will happen, but for right now I'm doing the work of my life - raising my girls, one day at a time. I'm faithfully following God. This is a hopeful place to be.