When Jim Gaffigan was asked what it was like to have a fourth child, he responded "Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby." I catch myself thinking, All I wanted was another baby. We knew she was waiting, that we had another one. That would have been enough of a trial, right?! Not that thinking like that helps.
Eloise update: She is one tough little baby. She still has that horrible chest tube in, but is thriving anyway. Today they started feeding her my milk through the g-tube in her stomach, and she seems to be tolerating it. We finally got to hold her today, had to wait 11 days, but we did today. And it felt wonderful. She seemed to really enjoy being rocked and sung to. She's a beautiful, dainty little thing. I love her so much it hurts.
Me update: Not doing too hot, to be honest. Its not like my body wasn't already pushed to the limit before I had her, and its been ridiculous since. I'm not making this up - I caught a 24-hour flu two days ago that had me floored. Had to get an IV with fluid. My mother's words: "cadaverous" and "horrific." Pretty sure I've never felt worse, really. It was my body's way of telling me to stop, and I did. I took two days to stay home and rest, and love on my girls at home. It was enough to get my feet underneath me again, and I'm doing better. These last 11 days have seen me cry several times a day, and I'm not a big weeper. Tough, tough times. But I've made some hard but healthy decisions that I think will help improve life.
I'm completely overwhelmed by the path ahead of us. Eloise may be fed through her g-tube for years. She will most certainly be in the NICU for months. She is so stinking far away. SO far away. Hate the time it takes to get there.
But I couldn't ask for more family or friend support. I've never felt more loved, and that couldn't have come at a better time.