8/9/13

Battle Maiden

We Mormons hear over our local congregational pulpits and chapel classrooms the statement "You will not be tested beyond that which he are able," all the time. The way it is used is as a platitude to comfort, but it is not true. We are tested, tried, stretched and endure things way past whatever level it is we think is "beyond" our capabilities. And that's what I think the point is.
In my experience, when we feel like the trial is too great, platitudes are useless. We need to be flexible and humble in order to see Heavenly Father's hand. We need to recognize that trials are way beyond "that which we are able," and let the Atonement work.

I'm sitting here at 3 in the morning, alone in a hospital room, listening to the other mother's mewling infants, and breaking my heart in jealousy. I have yet to hold the child I've carried, and have seen her a total of maybe 15 minutes. Once during a brief blessing, and once as they were literally loading her onto a helicopter.
And it's not like it was easy getting her here. The days before I actually started laboring (12 hours before the scheduled c-section) I felt like the Enterprise on Red Alert. "Systems failing captain!" And my sweet doctor said it was a "very difficult" operation. Coming from a man doing this for some 35 years...my body feels "to an airy thinness beat."

But Eloise is beautiful and healthy, now with only one major complication. The name Eloise has been on our list since we had the twins, and finally our "battle maiden" has arrived. She's almost the spitting image of me as a baby, it took my breath away. Everyone who has seen her has said it too.

We have a long, long hard road ahead of us, involving surgeries, prolonged hospital stays, long distances, and hard decisions. But I can tell you I have seen the Lord's hand at work. We have the best surgeon imaginable. Excellent doctors and nurses. Incredible technology. Family love and support. I am certainly being tested and tried far beyond anything I would imagine I can handle, but I have faith, and that's enough.

3 comments:

  1. She is a fighter like your other girls and you and your husband! Hang in there. The Lord never said it wouldn't be hard. Just that it would be worth it! XOXO>

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  2. I have also thought that the "God won't give you more than you can handle" is not true. Sometimes life gives us circumstances that are greater than our ability to bear. You are brave to say so, and I think you're right. Your friends and family will help carry the burden for you. Sometimes they may do more than that and they will carry you too. I know you have a lot of people who love you and are willing to help and support you. Let them help.

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  3. Best of luck to you and your little Battle Maiden as you recover from labor/delivery and as she overcomes her complications! It is obvious how much Heavenly Father loves you by seeing your and Trevor's beautiful family!

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