This is turning into a mommy blog. I'm not apologetic because blogging has served several purposes for me through the five years since I started. It started as an outlet to work out some Semester at Sea trauma and stories, turned into an place to rant about the frustrations leading up to my wedding, then I stopped. I disappeared from everything that first year of marriage. Blogging returned when I was working at the best bookshop in the state, The King's English, and met so many fantastic writers (one of whom you can read here or here) it made me feel like maybe I should do a little bit too (not on the same level, obviously.) Only one reader has been through all my blogging phases, and that would my dear Em.

Anyway. If both my babies were like Josephine, this job would be ten times harder. Right now I'm trying to appreciate Trevor being home to feed her while I feed Amelia, and not panic about what happens on August 27, when UVU resumes its school year...Jo simply will not be breastfed. I've tried everything. If she was my only baby, this would not be such a massive problem. But having one child that loves to nurse and one who won't even give it a proper go is like having one functioning leg and one lame, and trying to run a marathon. Upon leaving the hospital, I was so sure Jo would be nursing after two and a half weeks of being home. Not so. Only teeny-tiny, itty-bitty improvement - like, she doesn't cry anymore when we try it. Right now in fact, she is sitting on my lap taking one of her many long breaks, pretending to be asleep, even though I KNOW SHE'S NOT AND SHE'S HUNGRY AND WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST EAT FROM ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO MAKE HER A BOTTLE AND PUMP, while I blog to keep from getting too frustrated. Obviously, it's not working. But I'm trying to radiate chill zen vibes, listen to music, sing to her, caress her little face, exerting the most patience I can muster. Which is a lot, frankly. We go through this about four or five times a day. Patience, patience, patience. *Sigh.*


  1. I didn't know I was the only one. Cool. This is one of those intense refiner's fires that comes within inches of pushing us over the edge (continually), but once we are on the other side of it, seems short and a little sweet. There's a reason this is part of God's plan for us. There is no other experience on earth that will refine you and increase your capacities like what you are going through right now. (Except maybe a few rough patches when they are teenagers.... that might compare).

    You just have to remember that instead of praying for it to be easier, you have to pray to have your capabilities increased. It works every time.

    Love your way!

  2. Thanks for the shoutout, doll.

    i am thinking about you so, so much. I love your posts to bits.

  3. I told you in the beginning that Jo had her own ideas about life and that she wanted to be the boss. The only 2 things you can't make a kid do is eat(unless you have a feeding tube) and go potty. There you have it. She is just stubborn!! You are such an amazing mom and she will be alright. Hang in there!!