5/19/11

finding ground

I've always known that if I was going to have children, it was going to be my one and only job. I am committed to being the best mother I can be. It is honestly the only goal in my life right now. And believe me, its enough. With three itty bitty girls....Phew. Right now there's nothing left of me for myself - does that make sense? I just don't have the time, resources ($) or energy to spend on myself. I don't know if this is a good thing or bad. What I want, more than anything else in the world, is for Josephine, Amelia and Hazel to grow up close to God, with strong personalities and ideas, and a sure home foundation. I had that growing up and I want to provide it for my daughters.
I feel good about what I'm doing. Domesticity fits me better than I thought it would. It is hard however, on mornings like this morning, to hear about the trip my folks and sis are taking next January. Paris, Lisbon, South Africa. It was the first time since I had kids the thought occurred to me, "If we hadn't have had kids, we could do things like that." Funny it wasn't going out to movies or getting my hair done or reading a book - it was adventure. I know, I know, some of you are thinking "Aren't you the girl who traveled around the whole world in a ship?" Yes, and I thought traveling like that would curb that appetite. Not so, I'm afraid. So I was a little shaken this morning, seeing their itinerary, and I need to find my ground again. Remember what is important right now. A chat with my grandma helped me with that today. And watching Pride and Prejudice. And I think it will also help when I can finally unpack all my books, in my very own house. And if it could stop stinking raining.

7 comments:

  1. Seeing Fitzwilliam in his green waistcoat always helps me to put things in perspective too.

    There's a chance I'll be in Utah in early June. Any chance we could discuss motherhood whilst trying to contain five children betwixt us?

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  2. Be excited for your house. And maybe read Rainbow Valley.

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  3. I've been trying to plan a trip to Argentina to visit the mission but it's just impossible. And not because we have George but because we would also have to visit Glen's mission in Brazil and that means flying from the US to Buenos Aires to Salta to Buenos Aires to Sao Paolo to Brazilia to Sao Paola and back home. That's a lot of plane tickets! So I say, let's just go to Italy!

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  4. The travel bug runs in our family I'm afraid! This is something I've been battling with for YEARS! Of course I love being at home with my kids, but there is still SO much to see! Luckily, we live in an amazing part of the world and day trips and weekend get aways can satisfy somewhat. Still, I plan the trips I want to take and stash them away for later, in the mean time, I dream while washing dishes. :)

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  5. Listening to books or podcasts helps a lot too, because I can escape in my imagination. Its not that I'm ungrateful for what I have, I know how incredibly blessed I am and I love staying home with my children, its just that sometimes I get the adventure itch and its hard to scratch without time or money!

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  6. I got a short poem years ago in RS and kept it on my bulletin board for years. It helped me keep a perspective when children were little and funds were tight. Believe it or not, those days slip by.
    The poem said:

    You are the pearls I cannot buy.
    You are my piece of foreign sky.
    You are my blue Italian lake,
    You are the trip I cannot take.

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