I've been doing pretty well with the stress of this pregnancy. That is, until I had a two hour visit with the paranatologist a few days ago. There is a lot to worry about, more than I even knew. I know its their job to scare you, but peeps, there are some serious scares this time around. We've also scheduled the c-section, because we decided it was too dangerous to wait for 'something' to start. That first week in August is the safest and earliest time the baby can come. Knowing all that could go wrong, and very well might, is not a good way mental and emotional way to prepare to have a baby.
During the day when I'm entirely consumed in child rearing, I handle the strain well I think. But as soon as I go to sleep, its pretty clear my anxiety levels are higher than ever they have been. I wake up in cold sweats from heart-rending nightmares. Not to mention the other times I wake up with those uber-painful pregnancy leg cramps. This happens like four times a night on average.
Trevor and I have been on two dates since February, and, really, the 'fun' levels in my life have been at an all-time low. Because I can't do anything. I'm not even supposed to go grocery shopping. So mix mad amounts of stress and little amount of fun, and its bound to show up somewhere.
But there are always silver linings. I love summer. I love everything about this season, and we all get along better when we spend time outside. Four-year-old Jo and Millie are delightful, and EVEN helpful sometimes. That rocks. Also, Trevor's work has allowed him to come in an hour early and leave an hour early, so he can be here to help me more in the evening. That is a big blessing. Its obvious this little one will be spending time in the NICU. But I know many of the nurses, and love them, and that is comforting.
And you know what will be the outcome of all this? A beautiful baby. That's the best silver lining of all.